


Solus

by KaijinKyn



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Twins, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Child Neglect, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Multiple Personalities, Slow Burn, Trauma, that chapter number is shaky so take it with a pinch of salt ghvjks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2019-05-06 08:58:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14638473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaijinKyn/pseuds/KaijinKyn
Summary: "There’s nothing to be afraid of when we’re together. I’ll keep you safe.” Taking Ren’s hand in his own, the two of them huddled together for comfort, secure in their closeness. No matter how they’d begun to grow apart, nothing was stronger than the bond they shared as twins. Akira loved Ren more than anything, more than himself; he would do what it took to keep his brother happy. “You’ll never be alone, Ren. I promise.”Akira promised Ren they'd never be without each other. Thinking back, it was rather funny how appropriate his words had become.





	Solus

**Author's Note:**

> so uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
> THIS IS. SOMETHING. ISN'T IT. LMAO  
> WHAT HAPPENED TO BIRDS, KYN?? don't worry i'm still a hatofan i'm just... also really into persona atm don't @ me  
> i would like to make this a proper fanfiction i'm gonna be real BUT i have no idea whether it's a good idea nor what reception is gonna be like. i also had no beta as per usual for this and i have zero clue what direction i would take the fic in, so. it would be a feat of some kind to be sure. WE'LL PLAY IT BY EAR THAT ALWAYS WORKS OUT-  
> i hope you all enjoy!!

“Ren- Hey, Ren, bro, don’t cry… It’s alright-” Amamiya Akira was not a boy good at comforting others. He was 10, with scuffed knees and dusty hair from constantly falling over playing football in the park at sunset. There was a weeping scrape on his elbow that he ignored - he’d had worse injuries and been in worse situations, and right now his primary concern was to stop his twin from bawling his eyes out.

Amamiya Ren was not like his brother. Ren wore trousers where Akira wore shorts, Ren kept himself presentable where Akira let himself get dirty for the fun of it. Ren was their parents favourite; the good son who never got into trouble and did as he was told every time. He was a saint compared to Akira, and as such had been sent off to collect his foolhardy twin before it got dark and the front door was locked for the night.

Ren had tried his best, he really had. But without Akira there, walking alone as the shadows grew, he had been so scared. It had taken him until the streetlamps flickered on to find his brother, and by the time they both got back and knocked on the door there had been no answer. No matter how loud Akira had banged and yelled and kicked, nobody came. It was their punishment - Akira for staying out too late, Ren for taking too long to get him.

So here they were, Ren crying his eyes out on the front door step with Akira sitting at his side, ball on his knees and his left arm wrapped around his twin’s shoulders, futile in his attempts to calm the other down.

“A-Are we- Are we gonna have to stay- Out here, all night?” Ren’s question was punctuated with hiccups and tears, young voice shaking in his panic. This had never happened to him before - Akira, yes, for doing much the same thing one too many times prior. He was used to the biting cold of the night air, used to sending himself to sleep on the cold concrete doorstep by counting ants as they marched past; making friends with the spiders and moths which visited occasionally.

But this wasn’t something Ren had experienced yet. Ren was the good twin who never broke the rules and kept their parents happy, so to be punished like this was unheard of for him. He was so afraid and Akira hated to see him like that, not to mention how terrible they’d both feel in the morning if they didn’t settle down soon. Akira remembered his first time locked out, dealing with much the same emotions, his pounding headache the day after - except then he had been alone. Ren wasn’t, not this time.

“Yeah, we will. But it’s alright- I won’t let anything happen to us, okay?” Squeezing Ren’s shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting action to the other boy, Akira gave his twin the best smile he could manage considering what the circumstances were when Ren looked up at him, tears still rolling down his cheeks and soft sniffles escaping his nose before Akira patiently wiped everything away with his hand. Gross, but nothing he hadn’t ever done before for his brother.

“R-Really…?” Akira’s words seemed to have done the trick - Ren sounded more hopeful, less panicked, his stream of tears finally coming to a stop. Akira knew Ren was fine when he pushed Akira’s hand away, wiping at his own face somewhat huffily, hating it when he was treated like a baby by his twin. It helped Akira feel a little more confident too; knowing Ren could probably handle this now that he’d gotten his fear out of his system.

“Of course. There’s nothing to be afraid of when we’re together. I’ll keep you safe.” Taking Ren’s hand in his own, the two of them huddled together for comfort, secure in their closeness. No matter how they’d begun to grow apart, nothing was stronger than the bond they shared as twins. Akira loved Ren more than anything, more than himself; he would do whatever it took to keep his brother happy. “You’ll never be alone, Ren. I promise.”

* * *

Ren doubted he’d ever forget the sight of it - he’d been right there when it happened, after all, the memory haunting his life and his dreams even years after it occurred.

They had been 11 at the time, a year after Ren’s first and only experience with being locked out of the house. He had learnt his lesson that night, learnt to disregard his fear of the darkness and run as fast as he could to Akira’s side, dragging him home before the sun even had a chance to finish its descent through the sky.

He was praised every time for getting it right. Akira always got sent to his room for being the reason Ren had to suffer such an ordeal in the first place, with maybe a little more dinner than usual thrown his way. If it bothered him he never said a word, and by the time Ren thought to ask it was already too late.

Ren had warned him to be careful: it was dangerous to mess around near the road, after all. Somebody could get hurt, and then what would they do? Of course, his more careless other half disregarded him completely - because when did he ever listen, really - kicking his ball far too close to the curb for Ren’s comfort.

Akira had always been the more sporty one between them, taking to football and kendo far quicker than Ren himself. Perhaps it had been a side-effect of the pampering, allowed to snack and watch television where Akira wasn’t welcome, the elder twin slinking away to eat what he could find someplace else and play by himself until sunset, at least until Ren was sent to collect him.

It never made sense to Ren, how their mother and father would prefer him to Akira. He’d speculated on it a lot in the present, never reaching a definitive answer - it had been their treatment towards Akira that made him act out, desperate for the kind forgiveness Ren always got, so it couldn’t have possibly been much else other than the fact that they’d only ever wanted one son and not two. He knew Akira had been jealous, deep down, but he’d never taken it out on Ren. Akira always strived to be the best brother he could be, living up to expectations placed on him. Hoping, desperately, for the love he was constantly denied up until the moment it was too late.

It all happened too fast, really. Ren couldn’t have done anything no matter how much he wished he could (and God, did he wish. Even now, the guilt ate him from the inside out.) Akira had lost control of the ball, as Ren had warned he would. Akira had run out into the road, as Ren had expected he would.

Akira had been sent sprawling onto the tarmac road, the sickening crunch audible to Ren’s ears as his young bones snapped from the sheer force of the incoming car connecting with his body (or maybe it was exaggerated in Ren’s memory, when he replayed it over and over and over and over-) skull dashed against the ground and most likely killing him instantly, if the impact itself hadn’t been enough. Ren hoped it had been a swift death, anyway - all he had been able to do in that moment was watch, terrified, frozen in place with eyes wide as his strong, stupid, _reckless_ twin brother bled out on the ground before him.

He was, at the very least, dead when the ambulance arrived.

A lot happened after that, a multitude of things that Ren had either filtered from his traumatised mind or could remember in rather disturbingly clear detail. The police had been next, his parents called to the scene, rushing to meet Ren and shower him with their worry and care - the scent of his mother’s sickeningly-sweet perfume was one thing he could recall from that day, her arms around him in a tight hug and fake fingernails digging uncomfortably into his scalp.

The police station, where the driver who had been going far faster than the legal speed limit was arrested (Ren wouldn’t ever forget his face, nor the anger that came with recalling it). The funeral a few weeks later, Akira getting nothing much more than a box and a picture. No flower, no incense - and no visitors. His parents came and went like a whirlwind, barely giving Ren time to mourn, refusing to attend the cremation and collecting no remains.

Even now, Ren couldn’t help but feel resentful towards them about the whole thing. They never spoke about Akira afterwards - there had barely been anything in the house to show that he’d lived there in the first place, but after his death it was like whatever was left just got chucked out overnight, as if they’d been waiting for some convenient moment to forget their unwanted other son ever existed in the first place. Ren had kept what he could, rummaging through the bins in his desperation when he’d realised, but there was only so much he had been able to save in the end.

Any attempt to mention his twin to them was met with silence, or deflection, or anger (although that was rare; Ren was the good son, the obedient child who didn’t push his parent’s limits more than he knew was safe). This wasn’t a problem at first - Ren learnt to keep the memory of his brother to himself after a while, internalising the trauma, never speaking a word. Who cared about Amamiya Akira, anyway? Everyone quickly forgot about him, just like Ren’s parents did. He was simply another small town casualty in the end.

No, it wasn’t a problem - until one day it was.

* * *

_Ren,_

_I’m really sorry for leaving you to deal with this whole shitty situation you’re probably waking up to. To put it simply, I went and punched some asshole in the head while heading home because he was assaulting a woman. He called the police and got us arrested even though I was totally in the right, so now mother and father are really pissed at you and we’re on probation in Tokyo for a year. I know how it sounds, but I swear it’s not as bad as you think it’s gonna be maybe probably I hope. Think of it like a fresh start, I guess - and please don’t be too mad at me? Totally get it if you are though._

_\- Akira_

* * *

Ren sighed as he reread the note in his hand for what he was sure was the 20th-something-time, the displeasure he felt towards his brother not lessening despite him already being halfway to Tokyo already. His seat on the train was a solitary one regardless of the bustle and chatter around him, undisturbed by the loud conversation of those around him - _mental shutdowns, the Detective Prince_. Meaningless babble at this point.

Trust Akira to get him into a mess like this - no, of course he couldn’t keep his head down and follow the rules like Ren had begged him to do with his own various notes, hidden where only the two of them knew to look. Of course Akira just _had_ to play the hero one more time, his literal reason for existing in the first place (protect Ren; keep him safe) slowly encroaching out into his interactions with others. It was frustrating, not only because it got them both into trouble, but because Ren knew if it had been him there then he would have done exactly the same thing no questions asked.

 _‘You’re such a pain, Akira,’_ Ren knew the other couldn’t hear his thoughts, but he felt better voicing them despite not carrying any venom in their tone. Deep down he truly loved his twin, his other half, his protector. Amamiya Akira was gone, that was true; had been gone for five years now. But Ren carried what was left of him in his head, always there to take over when things got to be too much. He was born from stress, from fear, from worry - born from the need to protect Ren from such things. An intricate defence mechanism created by his mind’s memories, because who else would keep Ren safe like his own brother could?

Akira had promised Ren that he would never be alone. Now those words were just somewhat more literal than they had been before.

 _-ngen-Jaya. The next stop is Yongen-Jaya._ Dragged out of his thoughts, Ren’s eyes flickered up at the soft sound of the automated voice announcing the train’s arrival, smoothly folding the note between thin fingers. He was here. Well then… Time to get this over with.

He left the train and the station with little fuss - the neighbourhood was small, compact, cluttered with people living their daily lives. It was almost enviable, in a way; how they all carried on like nothing was wrong while Ren had been ripped out of his familiar, normal life because of a crime he hadn’t even committed.

Oh well, he wasn’t about to let himself become jealous. He’d make the most of the situation; keep his head down and Akira under control. It wouldn’t be that hard, surely. (He ignored the nagging feeling in the back of his mind that told him otherwise. Chose not to worry about the memory of the world slowing to a stop around him in Shibuya square; blue flames reflected in glass lenses.)

The situation which occurred after that was what Ren could only describe as a wild goose chase. Searching for Sakura Sojiro’s house had required directions from various people - including but not limited to at least one policeman who Ren swore had been giving him some extremely dirty looks - only to find out that the man wasn’t even in his house, rather, working at the cafe Ren had walked past only minutes before. ‘ _Irritating’_ was the word that flashed through his head as he pushed open Leblanc’s front door, though he kept it to himself at the sight before him and the drone of the television playing on the wall.

 _“A public transit bus was driven down an opposing lane with its customers still in it! The citizens can’t live in peace if this keeps up.”_ Hm. Hadn’t there been mention of something like this on the train? Ren’s interest was piqued, but it didn’t last long. Sojiro- Sakura-san- Boss (as he later claimed to prefer in terms of address) turned his attention to him the moment his last couple of patrons left and from the coolly distant look on the cafe owner’s face, Ren knew he wasn’t about to have a _great_ time living in Yongen-Jaya.

“So, you’re the guy.” If it wasn’t obvious enough already in his expression, Sojiro didn’t exactly _sound_ very impressed by Ren either. He was, of course, familiar with the feeling of being summed up through his appearance alone, regardless of how unfair it seemed - and he knew he looked like nothing more than the countryside kid he’d been raised as; messy and undignified and a troublemaker. Some of it was Akira’s influence. Some of it wasn’t.

“Amamiya Ren.” And Akira, but he kept that part to himself. There wouldn’t be any reason for the other to surface while living here - nothing about his year here would be cause for stress or panic. Ren would be calm and collected, and Akira could rest (and keep out of trouble). He’d had enough comments about being crazy back home. “Please take care of me.” From Sojiro’s rather surprised reaction, he probably hadn’t been expecting Ren to bow politely in thanks, unable to show his gratitude in any other way right now. Sojiro didn’t _have_ to take him in. Maybe it was pity, or the money - but Ren was thankful regardless. Probation was far preferable to juvie.

The attic, however, was… Not. At least in juvie he would have (probably) gotten a clean room. Trying his best not to turn up his nose, aware that he was too familiar with his parents pampering, Ren chose the least offensive answer he could think of in response to Sojiro’s rather pointed statement of, “you look like you want to say something.” His tone said everything the words themselves didn’t, which was: _‘Don’t even think about complaining.’_ Or something along those lines.

“It’s… Big.”

“It’s on you to clean up in here.” Well, of course it was. Why wouldn’t it be? Rolling his eyes and causing a fuss would be something Akira would do, and Ren was not his brother. (His brother was him; a strange thought to contemplate over. He tried not to think about it too often. He knew it bothered Akira; their lack of individuality.) “-I’ll throw you out if you cause any trouble.” Shit, he’d zoned out - coming back to earth as quick as possible, Ren tried to ignore the way his stomach seemed to open up at those words. It wasn’t a big deal. He could keep _himself_ in line, at the very least.

…Would Sojiro still want Ren, if he knew about Akira? Surely not. Another reason as to why he had to keep him down. It was only a year. Could he last that long? He’d have to. Ren’s head was beginning to pound already.

“I understand. Thank you, Sakura-san.”

“Just call me Boss, kid. Now then… I got the gist of your situation. You protected some woman from a man forcing himself on her, he got injured, then sued you. Right?” Was that how it had gone? That _was_ basically what Akira had summarised in his note, but Ren had admittedly been rather skeptical about it. It wasn’t unusual for his twin to spin a situation to make it come out in his favour - and of course Ren would be none the wiser unless he learnt the truth from some outside force. This was the first instance in which he'd heard any proper details, at least, Akira having been present for the court hearings and what not. Ren had only woken on the day he was sent to leave, which had been rather unfortunately timed. “That’s what you get for sticking your nose in a matter between two adults. You did injure him, yeah?”

Ren couldn’t help the irritation that spiked at Sojiro’s words. How could Akira have been in the wrong in that situation? Wouldn’t the manager have done the same, or would he have walked on by with little more than easily-forgotten guilt clinging to his coattails? It was frustrating to think about, Ren’s fists clenching in his pockets. “And now that you’ve got a criminal record, you’ve been expelled from your high school.” No huge loss there. Ren’s grades had been admittedly abysmal, and it wasn’t like he’d had many - or rather, _any_ friends. “The court ordered you to transfer and move out here, which your parents also approved. In other words, they got rid of you for being a pain in the ass.”

Ren dignified that with little response other than a sharp inhale through his teeth and a loss of eye contact, gaze flickering away from Sojiro’s rather smug expression sourly. He had never been out of his parents favour before. He had been the favourite since childhood. Discarded like this - being treated as Akira had been when he’d lived - made Ren feel distinctly uncomfortable.

Sojiro prattled on for a while afterwards, describing the terms of his probation and the new school he’d be attending. Shujin Academy - _shūjin,_ for prisoner. How ironically appropriately. They were both prisoners here, he and Akira; prisoners not only to their circumstances but to each other as well. It was a rather depressing thought - but then, none of his thoughts today had been particularly uplifting. “I’ll be taking you there to get registered tomorrow. What a waste of my Sunday… Your ‘luggage’ arrived earlier; I left it over there.”

And with that done, Ren was left alone in his new ‘room’, Sojiro rather swiftly abandoning him to his fate of cleaning up the mess left behind. This entire situation was a joke. Reminding himself that it _technically_ wasn’t Akira’s fault didn’t help; Ren sitting down heavily on his new bed with a stressed sigh as he contemplated what to do now, something that was then followed by a light wince at the thin mattress under him.

Nothing about this was ideal. They had landed themselves in some seriously hot water, and nothing Ren said to himself about keeping everything that threatened to bubble up under control helped. It didn’t take long for the tears to arrive - warm and wet, they slid down his cheeks as he sobbed openly, wishing desperately for some form of comfort. For his brother’s arm around his shoulder, for Akira to reassure him things would be okay, for hands to wipe patiently at his face.

It never came, of course. It was just him now. Amamiya Ren, and the version of his brother that lived on only in his mind.

He had never felt more alone in his entire life.


End file.
